fredagen den 28:e april 2006 - ponderisms
- i used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
- gardening rule: when weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. if it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
- the easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
- there are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
- life is sexually transmitted.
- health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
- health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing ofos like they used to?
- whenever i feel blue, i start breathing again.
- all of us could take a lesson from the weather. it pays no attention to criticism.
- in the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.
- how is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
- who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "i think i'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
- who was the first person to say, "see that chicken there? i'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
- if quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- if corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
- if electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
- does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
- why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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